Last night's conference call was a wake-up/ kick in the butt for me. I have read most of the Mindell book, but completly missed the connection between the risks of seduction and Devil's weed. I had read that section in too much of a hurry because of time. The year is almost half over, and looking at it, I have people waiting for journeys, assigned books that I'm reading too fast, related books that are sitting there, exercises, practices, and experiences that remain undone, etc. At the same time, I am working more than full time seeing patients, I am substantially behind on paper work and documentation, take home paperwork every night and don't do it. When I consider the path of heart, I see a serious imbalance here. While I do , as often as possible for me, use second attention for my patients' benefit and to hone my own skills, too often I'm trying to return phone calls between people, get forms filled, etc. and I lapse into pure survival mode. This is a space too many of us in clinics try to avoid and know too well. It serves no one.
This is one precious year and I will not waste it. I sat down with my husband at breakfast today (should have waited until after we had our coffee) and worked out the following:
I am droppping one day a week at work, and cutting an equal amount of money from what I (we) spend. I've cut out cleaning help, my gym membership, Dr. Weil's site, etc. (I won't enumerate further , or you'll see how superficial I really am). this does not equate to following a teacher around the jungle for fourteen years, but it is a beginning to understanding the cost of the path. I will not miss the opportunity that this year is. it does not benefit my patients, it does not clarity my path. This is one step to clarifying and affirming what this calling means to me.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Wow, Huge step.
Happy Landing !
It has been my experience that as distractions to the Path are removed by your choice or Spirit's, the opportunity for world(worlds) vision expands while personal groundedness and vitality increases. Happy hunting Fearless.woman!
Congratulations! I know and share the importance of those choices, not easy to do (in particular when other persons are at stake and these choices do not impact only yourself). But you are right: we should not waste that year. As a matter of fact, we should not waste any single day of our life, any single moment. That's what I keep reminding myself over and over, each time I feel that I am just trying to survive and cope with things, each time I have the temptation of hoping for a better future or even the next break, or a time when I will no longer be obliged to do my current job to make a living. I only have this moment, this day, and this is when and where I have to be a shaman and live like one.
Blessings to you Fearless Woman and to all those who are willing to walk the uneasy path!
Post a Comment