Wednesday, September 17, 2008
What a Year Can Bring
I entered this apprenticeship with the idea of spending much, if not most, of my non-work time studying, as I realized that it was a rare opportunity. I did not plan on my mental illness kicking up to a new phase. I knew that I was frequently depressed, and that medications helped; what I had not seen was that I cycle within the depressive phase and that the cycling itself is very debilitating. One moment everything is fine, the next for no reason I'm in the absolute pits of existence and questioning whethe it's worth it. No reson, no logic, just whammy. With the new understanding - new meds. Lifestyle changes can't deal iwth this one. With the new meds - new side effects; I'll spare you the details, they're nasty and debilitating. With meds and side feects, my resolve and abilities went out the window. BUT, life happens. For me certainly, I should have known that life wouldn't stop for the program, and that what counts ultimately is that I'm learning despite the pains, fungi, mood swings, lapses of judgment, impulsiveness, etc. I may not be following Robin through the jungle, but I've got my own jungle in my head, and the struggle makes what I learn all the sweeter.
Posted by fearless.woman at 9:15 AM